Well to start, I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas. It was precious watching Nicholas get so excited over new toys. We are just blessed everyday that we can be together. Our nurse came yesterday for blood work (Thursday) and Today we got his weekly ANC count which is 520 - that's as close to neutropenia (low white blood cells to fight infection) and a window we are not uncomfortable in this crazy Detroit weather to take him out in. Tonight he finishes his last dose of oral chemo for his first round to be complete. He will have a week off without chemo and we are so looking forward to that!

Tonight is New Years Eve... and over the last week I have seen or heard of 5 families losing their children and 4 others doing extremely poor. My heart breaks for those families and yet I keep filling my facebook giving people ways to donate and it's actually disappointing that people read it and pass it up without giving even $5.00 - I guess this is the world we live in. What I find beautiful is the people that have donated in honor of my son, more than half are complete strangers - how our story falls on their doorstep and heart - I don't know - but I am so thankful for their contribution to St. Jude. I can to a certain degree understand survivor guilt for the first time .... Why God is allowing our son to keep healing and others struggle losing this fight. I realize in this new world of cancer that we were tossed into - things can change over night.... so I am so grateful for each and every day God gives me with my little bear.

So as we say goodbye to 2010, I need to say a few things .... I never in my wildest dreams would have thought I would be writing on a website I made for my baby boy - never for a moment did I think 2010 would hold the fate that God allowed to be brought to our door.... however Nick and I talked tonight it's been one crazy ride .... one we pray so hard we never have to ride again ever! Along this horrific path God brought so many people into our lives that will always be part of our lives now. Every walk, race and religion... our common bond is a child diagnosed with cancer .... this year allowed us to truly stand on faith .... not to just say it, but TRY with effort daily with our whole hearts to believe God is in control and His hands are on this. It's been a challenging year watching so many people we know not only struggle, but lose this most horrific fight and trying so hard to not question why? We see children abused on the news and yet I have met families that would do absolutely everything and anything to save their child .... love --- what a powerful thing that has so many facets. Yet it's so unbearable to watch so many children suffer through this process.

Dear Lord,

Thank you for the gift of today, for allowing us to come so very far. I ask you to please gift incredibly talented researchers with CURES this year. I pray you guide them to the answers that will stop so many children from suffering at the hands of these diseases. I pray that no one will ever have to endure journeys like this. Please be with all the children that we have met along the way and also the ones we have never met ... We are so very grateful to have our Nickybear with us Lord, please please continue to heal him and never allow cancer to every harm his body again. Through your precious son Jesus Christ I ask this of you.