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Day 27 of Proton... complete! The pic above is Dr. Danny Indelicato checking in on Nicholas. So nice to have his port de-accessed for the long weekend ahead. We went out to dinner tonight to the Charter House... while I got my little guy ready I grabbed a shirt that Auntie Nicole (Baby Wade's Momma) gave me when I went to South Carolina for his funeral. It brought back so many emotions. I remember her saying take this for Nicholas, it's too hard for me to see and it will fit him while she fought back tears. I remember the last time I saw Baby Wade wearing this shirt and I cried putting it on Baby Nicholas. I realized how much I missed Baby Wade's smile and Nicole and I being able to talk for hours about our boys ... I thought of what he would be like today - what little milestones would he have been achieving now ... I cried for my friend who is such an amazing mother. For her void, her precious boy that nothing will replace. I just wish we lived in a world without cancer, yes I know one day we will ... but here the suffering of so many children is numbing and it grips my heart like a fist. There simply is nothing worse than watching your child endure and suffer.
There was a girl at the beginning of our journey and I reached out to her Grandmother whom is more of a mother actually to her. For me Lyssie's story was my hope story and when she relapsed - my heart broke for her - for her family - I couldn't believe the news and I still can't comprehend it all. When Nicole lost her son 7 weeks ago - I felt like if prayers heal - then why is this all happening ... I was reminded that God uses our children to save others - and I sit here saying why mine - but God probably said the same thing about Christ but still had to allow his son to suffer to gap the world with heaven and to allow us sinners redemption. I was reminded at Baby Wade's service how many lives this little 13 month old touched - how many people that never pray got on their needs and spoke to God because of him .... I don't know why this all happens - I wish it just didn't. Please pray for Lyssie.