Happy Mother's Day .... typically I’m lining photos up for an update of Nicky to show you how he is ... today I am wrestling with all my emotions. Whether you have lost a child or not - you are a mother no matter what! This post is not about Nicky....

My dear sister sent me a text that Baby Wade was in the press today ..... Significantly sent at 3:33pm today she told me ... this was the same time he left this world to be with our Lord. They had his departure date wrong but hey … only the ones that love him noticed that.

This day commemorates so many losses … so many for me I have honestly lost count and do not wish to look back to take the time to record the count. My heart aches for these Mothers.

I found myself worried about a mother that lost her only son in January and then I reflect on my own life and wonder where in the world did things go wrong…. I have a mother, yet she left a box on my door steps of all the photos of all my family, there has been no contact for at least 10 months between us … me or, my children – my brother tried too – this box came two weeks ago. Yet all the photos sent in a box…. This happened when I asked her if she was ready to change for us …. I won’t lie …. I need her …. I have for years “BUT” she refuses to see the problem which “her” and ignores us and our cries. I wondered how she spent her day, my brother did too …. I cried and tried to shove it off … my husband asked what do you want to do and I just didn’t want to do anything …

I see two Mother’s in this world …. The 1st … willing to do ANYTHING to be the HERO to be their child’s STAR their WORLD…… the 2nd …. Just don’t know any better …. Ignore their babies no matter how old we are and they give their photos back in a box ….

My first Mother’s Day was my 1st Anniversary, it took 12 years till it landed on the same date today and it's the 2nd time in 12 years ... my Anniversary is the same date as Mothers Day. I am so grateful for the man that I love that is my husband, my rock…. What a precious gift we have. But what I learned  today from my Pastor is that the past won’t heal itself …. You can sweep it under a rug ( huge rug my family had ) but that it doesn’t go away and that it takes people to heal it and communicate and fix it to make relationships work.

Mom …. I love you …. I’m crushed by you ….. I have waited to post this song for you … here it is … ( my brother and I are"STILL" waiting …. )

"Fix You"

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down on your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down on your face
And I...

Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down on your face
And I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

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