Dexter Lawrence Authentic Jersey  Mar 15 - 22, 2011

With a heavy heart I post today ... another child from our St Jude family got her angle wings back way too early, Saturday Mar 19. For those of you whom know how St Jude operates, it segregates the hospital clinics and wings into categories.  A clinic is Luekemia, D clinic solid tumor and E clinic is Neuro Clinic. The 2nd floor where we all go inpatient, one wing hosts all A clinic and the 2nd wing hosts all D and E clinic children. We met Kya went we first arrived to St Jude.  Regardless of the way we somehow all segregate through diagnoses, we will all lived in the same community and would pass each other a few times a week, sometimes on the 2nd floor you would pass each other with hands filled with extra clothes and carryout from anything you could grap fast in downtown Memphis.  We know each others stories, we catch each other crying and we whispered prayers when we walk away from each other knowing the possibilities that come with cancer. We are indescribably part of a family that no one wishes they ever had to be part of, but a family nonetheless, of parents that have had to watch on the side lines holding their children tightly ... watch them fight cancer.  There is a bond among us that only we can relate to.  There are no words that will adequately describe this common bond, but no words are necessary to describe it among us. Whether you are close to each family or not, you mourn for them and the prayer in your heart that you wished so much for them to be healed and go home free of the grip of cancer. Kya was precious, petite and always smiling. She will be missed. We also shared in the news of yet another child named Belle from our protocol that just relapsed and is scheduled for surgery next week. Please pray for her, pray for Haley and Ehrren too whom all relapsed on the SJYC07 protocol in the last month. (you can find their stories under protocol friends, in the friends we follow button above)

Our weeks have been routine lately and Baby Nicholas' counts ANC 1330 and hgb (red blood) 11.8 and platelets 175 so all is rising before they will fall one last time with the next round of oral chemo. He is 18 months old today! We feel so blessed to watch him grow and pray so very hard that we will be given a lifetime with him remaining cancer free. This was a tough week for me, I dissected his pathology report and lately I wish I hadn't because all it did was put so much fear in my heart and that is NOT what God wants me to feel. I need to give it to God, it is so much easier said than done at times. Some days are easier than others, but when another child dies that we know .... it puts our hearts in such a vulnerable place - its makes staying strong so extremely hard. I got a care package from my dear Dana .... she sent me ribbons for my car, one for mine and one for Nick, bracelets, notes, t-shirt and more ... just so extremely thoughtful and this package came just when I needed to smile most this week. Thank you Dana .... you have always been a true friend and your kindness and effort to understand the impact this has made on our lives, I am so grateful for.

If our son's journey has impacted you, our taught you anything - I ask you kindly to take time to forward the newsletter to your friends and family.  We need so deperately to get the word out there about pediatric cancer. Forward our son's story to your parents, your children, your co-workers - your neighbors ... anyone that will pray and follow our boy with and open heart.

We had an ENT follow up today for his ears, everything looks great.  He doesn't seem to be tugging at his ears as much ... but some is out of habit when he has his pacifier we've noticed. He's been silly lately and playful and even jealous if Christian gets a little attention from us.  It's actually been pretty funny to see him get fired up.  His new words is "UP" and its clear as anything. He's eating so much lately, I really hope next weigh in he has gained a little weight. We got our schedule from St Jude in the mail last week, my heart jumped a beat when I saw that we will be flying out on May 22, 2011.  Exactly a year ago from sitting in ER and finding out he had a "mass" in his brain, not grasping our lives were forever changed. The anxiety of that date and being at St Jude it all seems like a bad dream.  However, I know that God is in Control of ALL things .... His willing no matter what WILL be done. Please pray for our boy as that date will quickly approaches.  I connected with another local mother that is currently at St Jude for radiation... she said to me that a friend told her in the beginning ... "prepare your heart", but NEVER stop fighting and NEVER stop believing ... make NO plans on losing. Pray for Julian. Also Pray for Ryan D. shes our little buddy scanning this Thursday at Jude.

Dear Lord,

This week was a tough one emotionally ... and I am placing all my trust in you once again and renewing that commitment.  I can not do this without you and I can not do this alone. Lord thank you for all the friends new and old that have been there to pick me up when I have needed it.  Thank you for being a God that loves us so.  Thank you for every single day you give Nick and I to live and watch our boys grow. Please Father, keep my son cancer free ... let him remain heatlhy and well. Lord, I will make NO plans on losing this fight because I am believing that ALL things will be done to glorify you according to Your plan. 

In Christ alone my hope is found,
He is my light, my strength, my song;
this Cornerstone, this solid Ground,
firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
when fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My Comforter, my All in All,
here in the love of Christ I stand.

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